anger

Today I got really angry with my family. Everytime I think life is good im hit with a rude awakening. On the outside my family looks perfect. Parents are together, I get good grades at school, and it seems like I have a carefree attitude. Things are different when I get home. It is a warzone and it is rare to see a day without yelling and screaming. Most times I just try to shut everything out. The thing is although I get yelled at alot of little things I mostly accept the fact that I did something wrong. Lately I've tried to be more of a respectful son by being more subservient to my parents wishes. As a result I have actually been on a level relationship with my parents as of late, but not my brother. He is always at the center of the yelling and screaming nowadays. I love my brother but at the same time I am so disappointed in him and at times want to just disown him. Because I was the older son I got in trouble for everything from having a phone to going out with friends, but because of what I had to go through life for my brother is easier. He got his phone before me, started going out earlier than I did, and got to get away without trouble for something I would have gotten beaten for. I just cant understand why he always wants to talk back to my parents or start yelling if he doesn't get his way. Today I tried to help my brother because my parents dont trust him as of late because of his habitual lying. I convinced my mom to let my brother stay out later with his friends, but because of his back talk and side comments I just lost it and punched the door. Of course my mom lost it because I did this and everything just exploded. As I write this I just want to go somewhere else and start anew without all this drama. Yet my mom tells me that without me the family would break apart because I have the ability to cease all the fighting in our family with my reasonable talk. Although I want to just live with a fuck it attitude I cant because of my own morals. I want to become someone who makes a difference in this world, I just wish I could let go of my anger.



"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha